Hey mama-in-waiting, let’s chat.
Maybe today you took a pregnancy test and it was negative. Or your ovulation tests never showed positive this month. Maybe you’re still struggling with your past loss or losses.
You’re feeling shitty. And then it comes…
“If I can get pregnant, so can you!”
and the worst one, “I’m pregnant.”
I feel you, I really do. What’s funny about when you actually get to carry a baby to term after infertility is that you don’t ever entirely forget those feelings. But do you know what also happens?
YOU BECOME ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE.
I said I’d never do it. I would never say to another person struggling with infertility any of those kinds of things. And yet here I am, doing it and believing that I’m not wrong.
Hang in there with me right now. Don’t let me lose you and be written up as just another hope tossing asshole.
Here’s what I have learned about my new side of the coin.
On the side I am on right now, I am totally understanding of the fact that I was 100% wrong 8 years ago. I was wrong, wrong, wrong. I had given up hope and believed that my body was undeniably unable to get pregnant. After all, I had tried fertility treatments and then went on a 6 year no-birth-control-at-all binge –and not even one tiny whisper about pregnancy from this body of mine.
Worse, there was no explanation for my infertility. Everything “looked good” according to my RE (Reproductive Endocrinologist).
So how the hell did I end up an over 35-year-old woman who got pregnant THREE times in the course of 3 years? Only one pregnancy was viable but in case you missed it…8 YEARS of prior unprotected sex with not one late period.
Sparing you all the middle, please do tell me how I am not going to shout from the rooftops to all the other women out there that were just like me? How am I not going to go spread hope to that mid 30’s copy of me, going wild trying to find happiness because her dream of a family has been crushed by infertility?
Yeah, I’m not going to stop anytime soon.
The difference is that I’m going to say more than just “If I could get pregnant, so can you.” I’m going to tell you that I know you don’t believe me. I’m going to remember how much I hated all the positive people, because my pain was so overwhelming that I couldn’t hear anything that didn’t validate my exasperation. I will tell you my story and how I created a body willing to grow the beautiful miracle daughter who changed my life in the most epic way.
Because I want that for you, too. And I’m not helping you if all I do is bitch alongside you all the time. Sometimes, yeah, we’re going to bitch. We’re going to cry. We’re going to sigh when another pregnancy announcement comes around to punch you in the gut.
But we are also going to focus on giving you the very best shot you can possibly have at this. For me, I had to eliminate stressors and change my diet. I had to drop a few pounds, and tip the whisky bottle a lot less. I had to put myself in a mindset that changed the way I viewed family and what it meant for me to have one of my own. It’s surprising how quickly motherhood found me when those things all finally crashed together.
That’s just my story. Yours is individual, but likely not impossible.
Reach out to me and tell me your story so we can get to work on how to add motherhood to it!