Dear Diary…

Rethinking “Know Your Worth” – Is This Effective or Damaging?


Dear Diary,

This week, for some reason, every time I heard the phrase “know your worth”, I cringed. Something I’ve said a million times, hits me differently right now. I do believe that foundationally, people connect to it as a positive thing but is it that way for everyone? Or is it that way just for people who are in that power place and think that it’s helpful in motivating others who are not?

Many clients that I have had in my career struggle with self worth. Most of us on Earth do, at one point or another. We can’t help but to look around and see where we rank in every setting. It’s almost primal, to be able to know our place in the pack.

But how did that translate to adding the word “worth”? Worth requires assessment, and it assigns value based on that assessment. How did that become something we applied to ourselves as humans? Assessing our worthiness of what? We are all worthy of all the blessings life has to offer!

The idea that we will rank ourselves in what we deserve isn’t something I want to partake in. No more comparison to decide what we can and cannot have. It’s not through comparison that we rise. It’s not through evaluation of deserving that we manifest. We are simply worthy, without evaluation.

Thank you Universe for the gift of this download to share.

Vanessa πŸ™‚

Anger Management: A Magic Tool

Dear Diary,

I wasn’t sure about creating this video. It is aΒ hard concept to teach and implement, but it is SO helpful! I know that doing what I do, I have a different view on a lot of things. I have sat with people whose beliefs don’t match mine, but once I learn more about them, I can see how those beliefs came to be. I don’t hold anger toward people whose experience hasn’t taught them what mine has. It’s about curiosity, not changing someone, in the beginning. In order to help someone cross a bridge, you need to know where they are so you can meet them there. You can’t just demand they cross a bridge they can’t see the value of crossing yet.

When we get angry, there is a dual process happening. One is that we are being triggered by something inside of us that is sensitive and often unresolved/uncomfortable. The other thing that is happening is that we stop seeing anything but our viewpoint. That combination shuts out possibility and creates dangerous tunnel vision thinking.

If I can’t see the client in front of me as someone having valid-to-them beliefs, what kind of counselor am I? Can I claim to be empathetic if I am steadfast in m own beliefs having to be that of everyone else? Or does it serve me better to hit the wonder button on what’s heating me up so I can not only discover why I am feeling reactive but also continue to see others as humans doing the best they can access in any given moment.

There are always exceptions, and it’s really hard for me to hit pause on people who hurt others or commit violent acts. But if the judicial and prison systems have taught us anything, it’s that punitive consequences aren’t working. Things that make us angry are not helped by anger and punishment. They are helped by understanding what the root cause is and going from there.

The example that comes to my head is being in an argument with a friend who is being inflammatory, slinging insults, and generally just pushing buttons. I have a choice in that moment to match and accomplish a bigger flame that no one can focus on extinguishing, or I can roll into wondering about what is happening both in myself but also in the other person that is triggering these reactions. Is that person highly insecure and feels that this is how they feel empowered? Are they a person with a horrible life experience in this area that is causing them to enter into survival mode where attacking feels like ensuring safety? Because if any of those things are true, they are not able to hear me telling them about how “wrong” they are. Just like I am not listening to how right they think they are.

I can lessen my own anger by humanizing the experience of others, “right” or “wrong”. The goal is my peace first, and perhaps planting seeds or offering compassion second. This tool helps me do that, with a lot of things that can easily steal my peace. It’s not about letting people off the hook. It’s about effective problem solving between both me and the issue, and me and the shadow in me that causes it to be an issue.

Thank you, Universe, for this download to share.

– V

“Help! I Can’t Meditate!” : 3 New Ways to Try

Dear Diary,

Today I thought about mediation and how many of my clients come into our work without knowing what it really means to meditate. Of course, I know what that’s like, because I have trouble with “that kind” of meditating too. Sit quietly, in complete silence, humming a random sound? Yeah, right.

When I made this video it was with the hope that I could help people learn what I’ve learned, that meditation is simple pondering and connecting with our relativity to the elements around us. It doesn’t have to be quiet. It just has to be helpful.

I remember being a new counselor and being terrified of having to lead mindfulness, feeling like a fraud asking people to do what I couldn’t do myself. It was just one of the many things that was rule following without my heart and soul coming along. It wasn’t until I came across that progressive muscle relaxation exercise when I realized I didn’t know all there was to know about meditation.

But boy, once that realization hit….it was off to the races! Like everything, once I take an interest in it, I slip into research mode to gather knowledge until I am satisfied. When I stepped into the world of guided meditation, sleep music, binaural beats, hypnotism, etc., I won’t lie. I was upset that those weren’t part of my formal education.

After all, isn’t anything that alters your thinking or feeling in a calm way good for you? It’s that damn Eastern vs. Western medicine. Those absolutes that are on the competitive plane. Psychology has to be about research and proving hypotheses. It can’t be a science if there aren’t absolutes. That’s the problem though. Even all that research doesn’t create absolutes, people just accept them as such without thinking bigger picture.

Reality being what it is, it made so much more sense to me that each individual could connect spiritually and with soul to different things and still be doing it “right”. Hell, I STILL have an energetic reaction to some Sevendust coming on my running playlist. I can get right into a zone, a meditative state of running, with that loud yelling music pumping through my ears. But that doesn’t mean everyone will have that reaction, or that they have to in order for it to be a valid meditation tool for me.

I’m truly hoping some people out there are hearing this message, either from me or from other holistic counselors, so they can go on a quest to find their unique and useful forms of meditation. It is such a game changer to be able to reset at nearly any time you want to, whether it’s a 30 minute session or a 30 second breath cycle with intent.

Thank you, Universe, for this download to share.